He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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