dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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