I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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