eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
