I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
