I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
