i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
