are you so shy because you have an std?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
