Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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