he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
