You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
