why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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