I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
