we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
