that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
