I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
