just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
