i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
