I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
