I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
