I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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