Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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