I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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