So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize