Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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