i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
