Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
