It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
