Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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