But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
