I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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