i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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