My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
