I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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