just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
