i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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