how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
