we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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