Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
