Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
