i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
