I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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