Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
