I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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