the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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