paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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