what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
