I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
