i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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