I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
