Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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