Best friends brother. Beat that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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