oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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