my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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