So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
