Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize