My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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