i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
