Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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