I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
