i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
