The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
