You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
