my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
