I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
