My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
