glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
