Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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