I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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