It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
