Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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