I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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