I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
