and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.