My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work