she was so not down for the gang bang
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning