I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?