Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you win again, gameday.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
