Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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