oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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